good grief.

i leave in exactly 20 days for Ensenada, Mexico.
you may wonder if i'm ready to go and the answer is...... i'm not.
not in the least bit. negative. not at all.

Actually, the very thought of leaving terrifies me to the core. Yea, God has big things in store, i've heard that a lot now but it doesn't make leaving any less hard. Here are some things holding me back-

work-i finally love going to work, it's not such a pain anymore. the people there are awesome and i love working with them.
friends-my best friends in the entire world are here. i know i'll make new friends that much is obvious but the people i care about most are here. the people i want to care about are here.  ch.gh.kk. <3
brother[s]-my little brother daniel is the single most greatest human being in my life. leaving him is going to be the hardest thing i've ever done. And my other "brother" tyler. he's awesome. i think you should meet him. not having him to text whenever i need to is gonna be hard, hands down.
family-it's just going to be weird not seeing them everyday.

It's not like i'm going to back out. i just have my doubts in going. annnnnnd there could be a few other things that are holding me back, but i will NOT be posting them on here. they're a little too personal. it's just hard since it's so close. i remember when the only thing i wanted was to leave to be out of here. oh my how the tables have turned. now i'm practically begging for a few more days at home.

i've already talked to some of the people i'm going with which is cool. but there's 26 people who are doing the DTS. TWENTYSIX. holy crap. that's waaay too many. that alone worries me. i know i'm just a worrier. but that alone is enough to stress me out. there's no way i'm sharing my whole life story with 26 other people. i'm open and honest with almost anyone but in this type of setting no way. i'm just a little freaked out

So, basically what i need you NOT to do is tell me that my worries are stupid because to me they are not. Don't tell me that God is going to work in my life in so many ways- i already know this i don't want to hear it again.

Well, that's all for now.   .